I have one question on my mind these days: how do I proceed forward? It was about a year ago now that I accepted the possibility that change could be a good thing and that coming back to Canada and working with a local coach here in Toronto would be what I needed to take that last step into major international competitions. However, here I am standing at the end of a disappointing and frustrating 7 months at UofT and preparing to make a coach and training location switch. Second thoughts creep in, and say that I should not have listened to various people who talked me into leaving my training location in the Netherlands. Unfortunately, that is just the trouble with hindsight 20/20; it feels so easy to say should have, could have, would have ...
When there is a clear ending, there are two questions that come to mind: do you regret the choice? Would you do it over again? To the first question, the answer is yes. However, to the latter, it is complicated to know for sure what I would or should do. I had a great deal of information to make the choice, but it was not enough. If I knew then what I know now of how the situation really is and not what it is made to look like, I know the answer would be no, and so I am starting over. As I prepare to move forward, I take a moment to think only of the positives.
Throughout the year I various conversations with my old coach, Bart, about my struggles, and fears and he would remind me that the person who knows Susan Coltman the best is me; I know what I can do and what I need to be able to perform, so it was time to take control for myself. I also had the great support of my friend Aquil Abdullah, and he too would remind me of my inner strength and that I needed to able to stand up for myself and know what I needed.
A noted American Author once said, "There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." This moment marks my new beginning. Wish me luck!